For such a long time in my life I had kept a secret from everyone who knew me……I had a deep secret that I wanted to share with others but everyone always seemed more interested in what was the now thing to do. My secret is and was a sweet and pure secret a loving and kind secret…….that I pushed aside to follow what the world deemed as important……My secret was I wanted to be a HOMEMAKER, STAY AT HOME MOM, BETTY CROCKER, HOLLY HOMEMAKER, JUNE CLEAVER! That’s all I really wanted to be and that is all I want to be NOW!
At the age of (?) ahhhhh not gonna tell you, but at the age that I am today I still find myself fighting that secret. I have been dishonest with everyone in regards to what I wanted to do with my life and to this day out of fear and rejection I have still been dishonest. As a young girl I was always thought of as the smart one, the smart girl the one who would go places and do big things, so naturally I played into that…trying to fit the mold, trying to act the part and walk the walk and talk the talk and all the while I was crying inside and very confused.
My spirit was aching and longing to be simple….. To be a wife, mother and homemaker, I never really wanted to work in the corporate arena, I never really wanted to be a newscaster or journalist….its funny cause in the back of my mind I kept thinking that if I chose those career paths how was I going to stay home with my children (that's what I thought of at the age of 17). My heart was never really into any of those things but I continued to play the part of wanting to be a working career woman with her own money and her own car, apartment and etc.
I really think because of my dishonesty with myself I have caused myself and those around me undue hardship and pain, I have been living a lie for so long. I have always been interested in homemaking I have always loved movies that showed the mothers at home taking care of their children, the mothers on “Little House On The Prairie” and “Leave It To Beaver” were my idols and I secretly wanted to be like them.
Now that I am older and learning so much through my relationship with God I see the error in my ways and that I cannot fully be a homemaker until I embrace it and live out what it is God has called me to be. God has called me here and no matter how much I fight it or try to brush it off……the desires and feelings continue to get the best of me to the point where I can’t imagine doing anything else but being a wife, mother and a keeper of our home.
I pray that God will continue to keep me at home with my family and that he will continue to bless my efforts as a keeper of our home.
God Bless You All!
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The more I search 'round the web, and hop from blog to blog, it's so heartening to know that there are so many women out there that feel the same way! So many 'secret homemakers' have been afraid to say boo because of what society deems proper. I know I was, being a university grad with a good government job. I started staying-at-home last fall, and though I sometimes miss my career (which I loved many aspects of) I love staying-at-home much much more! I don't know how in the world I used to get everything done back then! I want to leave you with a favourite quote of mine. Tasha Tudor is one of my heros, braver than anyone for living her true self.
"I enjoy doing housework, ironing, washing, cooking, dishwashing. Whenever I get one of those questionnaires and they ask what is your profession, I always put down housewife. It's an admirable profession, why apologize for it. You aren't stupid because you're a housewife. When you're stirring the jam you can read Shakespeare."
-Tasha Tudor
:)
Wow, reading this post was like reading something I had written myself. I wasn't enthusiastic about getting my college degree in journalism and becoming a newspaper reporter, but, I had gotten a scholarship, and my family was proud of me. I enjoyed being a part of a profession that seemed important, and I became a bit too self-important. Yet, I found the work itself to leave me feeling rather empty and I felt lost. I too wanted to be a wife and mother, but, on the other hand, I would find myself joining others who joked about any woman we knew who had gotten married and quit work to stay at home. I think I was pretty confused.
When I did marry, I wanted to quit working when our children came along, and my liberal husband was very irritated about it. He resented being the only money earner. He would complain that he did not want to have an Ozzie and Harriet household. We had many other problems, and eventually divorced, and then I had to work and the kids had to go to daycare -- a very stressful phase of life.
Years later, I met and married a wonderful man. I still worked for awhile, but when we moved a year ago to our current home, we decided that I wouldn't find a new job. Instead, I would stay at home and work on our fixer-upper house. I have loved being at home, and my husband loves it too. Yet, at times I feel anxious, worrying about whether I should be working, so we could have money for this or that. My husband never frets about it at all. He sees that I am happier at home than when I was working, and he wants me to be happy. He also says he benefits so much from the things I do at home. We have better meals, I've painted and decorated in the house, and I have planted a big garden and grow a lot of flowers.
I think my worrying and fretting are a sign of my lack of faith. I really want to be here at home, and see so many benefits from it, but, I allow doubts and worries to disturb the contentment I find here. So, I pray a lot for God to show me how to be at peace with where I am, and to be joyful rather than fretful. I offer up those prayers for other homemakers too!
Oh my goodness how I enjoyed reading everyone posts!
Oh sweetproserpina,
thank you so much for the lovely Tasha Tudor qoute...I am also a Tasha Tudor fan.
Judi,
Your post hits close to home to me, I am glad that you are able to fulfill that desire to be at home and tending to your husband and family. I know that home is the place for me even if I am not the best homemaker in the world....I have the opportunity to work on being the best!
God Bless Everyone!
Oh Honey, I'm not alone!
All I wanna do is stay home and cook, and sew. Not so much the cleaning but I love to cook and sew. MY heart is in my home , my family needs me at home as much I need to be home.
I love being a suzy homemaker. It's not alway easy, sometimes lonely. My family has never made me feel that I should work but society does. I had to resist a lot of pressure not to return to work when I had my first. We have to do without because of the loss of income but I wouldn't have it any other way.
LOL...i had to recheck which blog this was because it sounds like I could have written it.. :-D I think I was around 5 years old when I first developed the dream of wanting nothing more than being a stay at home mommy. Mom and dad even laugh at a statement I made to someone one time when I was asked (at about 7 years of age) what I wanted to be when I grew up...i told them "I just want to stay at home and have babies". lol.. That was always my highest goal - yet it was one I kept secret.
Growing up I too was always the "brainiac", "smart one", "most likely to succeed", etc. I was valedictorian, 4.0 GPA my entire school year, and courted plans for Duke and other Ivy leagues (although I ended up not going because I couldn't handle the thought of being away from my hometown and parents). I worked in business admin / HR for 4 years as well, taken under the mentoring wing of our 44 year old extremely feminist high-powered center manager.
I married in 2006, and in Oct of 2007 we were layed off when our company moved out of state (Our VP even tried to get me to move to another state for HR purposes). No Way! I was DONE. I was two months pregnant at the time, and all I could think of was how awesome God must be to finally "force" me to wake up to my calling as a home-maker. My husband had no problems with me leaving the working world completely, especially since that meant I would be cooking meals from scratch daily! :) Our first son was born this past May and I feel more "whole" than I ever have in my life. Compared to what I went through in the business world, there is absolutely NO stress in my life right now. I LOVE being able to focus on my husband, son, and home! It's like a dream come true for me.
(Yet, shhhhh....I still haven't told everyone this secret about myself..lol)
jbdvwlI too can sooo relate to what you said. I Loved getting the little cook sets and the dolls and cribs and play housekeeping sets. I Still get a thrill when I see those things in the used stores for sale I used to play with. I was so blessed to be able to stay home from the first. My dream had come true. It was not easy at all and we had to do without all but the basics but it was sooo worth it! I will never understand how others can think there is nothing to do as a homemaker..that we would be bored. No way! I am so happy being at home and now that my children are grown and have their own homes I am still here and Still loving it! :-)
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